Managing Christmas after a loss

When someone we have loved dies, special occasions can be hard without them and the fact that that person isn’t there with us to share these moments can feel really strange, making even the happiest occasion a bit sad.

Here are some ways that may make these times a little easier.

Coping with Christmas
If you’ve lost someone close to you, Christmas may be a time when you miss them more than usual. It’s probably a time you’re used to spending with them and there might well be several little things that remind you of them. When someone important is missing from the festivities or even from the dinner table many people can find it really hard, especially the first year.

Just like Christmas, birthdays and other important family celebrations can be painful when you’ve lost someone you love. It’s natural to feel like they should be there to celebrate with you. Their own birthdays or anniversaries can be especially sad, because you’re reminded of just how much you miss them.

It’s important to take care of yourself and each other on these days.

Prepare for the day

With Christmas coming up, plan ahead for it. Talk with your family and friends about the best way to remember your loved one; it can be really nice to include a few moments in the day to remember the people who aren’t there.

Allow yourself be sad

It’s normal to feel sad when someone you love isn’t there for Christmas, so don’t be hard on yourself. It can help to take some time out to remember them. Everyone’s different and will have a different way of doing that, but here are some ideas: 
  • find a quiet place to remember all the good things about the person
  • do something that you used to do together
  • hang a special decoration on the tree in their memory
  • light a special candle for them and let in burn throughout the day
  • write them a letter telling them about the day
  • revisit somewhere you used to go together
  • remind each other about your favourite times with them 
Don’t forget it’s ok to enjoy yourself too; laughter is always beneficial and there’s a place for it during bereavement - this doesn’t mean you don’t miss or respect the person you’ve lost.

Look after yourself

Recognising that this might be a tough time for you is important. You have to treat yourself with a bit of care. Avoid making major decisions until after Christmas is over. If possible, treat yourself to something you enjoy doing.

Avoid bottling up thoughts and feelings
Keeping things to yourself means the tension builds up inside you. Finding a way to express what you’re feeling really can help you to feel better. You could talk to someone, write your thoughts down, draw or paint, or punch some pillows.

Talk to someone
Having someone you trust to talk to about how you’re feeling is helpful. This may be a family member or a friend. If you’re finding it hard to cope with day-to-day stuff then it may help to talk to someone like a counsellor. Help is available at Madrugada.